|
Meta spiccajt l apprendistat
u allura kont accettat aktar il gewwa mil koxxa ghand it tfajla (issa il mara tieghi), kont ghamilt 'jewel
box' gustuza bhala rigal. Din intghogbot hafna u meta it tfajla wrieta lil nannita, din ta lahhar daret fuqi u qaltli
"prosit - issa imlijiela"
TA' L-EU
A man goes to the Public Registry here in Malta, to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies:
"Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says the father: "There were no objections when I called my first two sons
Mark and Frank."
Mill-verbali tal-Qorti ta' Malta
MISTOQSIJIET LI (EMMNU JEKK TRIDU!!!)
VERAMENT
SARU FIL-QORTI TA'MALTA
(RIPRODOTTI KELMA B'KELMA)
M= MISTOQSIJA
R= RISPOSTA
M: X ' inhi id-data tat-twelid
tieghek ?
R: It-tnax ta ' Gunju
M: Liema sena ?
R: KULL SENA !
__________________________________________
M:
Din il-marda, myasthenia gravis, teffetwalek il-memorja ?
R: Iva sinjur
M: Tista teghdilna kif teffetwalek il-memorja
R:
Ninsa kollox sinjur
M: Tinsa kollox !? Tista taghtina xi ezempju ta ' xi haga li nsejt ?
M: Kemm ghandu zmien it-tifel
li jeghejx mieghek ?
R: Tmienja u tletin jew hamsa u tletin, ma niftakarx sew sinjur
M: U kemm ilu joqghod mieghek ?
R:
Hamsa u erbejn sena.
__________________________________________
M: X> '> kienet l-ewwel kelma li qal zewgek meta
qam fil-21 ta'Marzu ?
R: Qal "Hawn fejn jien Nadia ?"
M: U int ghaliex irrabjajt ?
R: Jien jisimni Amy
_________________________________________
M:
Tista tispjega fejn kien il-post ta' l-incident ?
R: Ezatt hedjn l-arblu ta> ' l-EneMalta numru 37
M: U fejn jinstab
l-arblu ta> ' l-EneMalta numru 37 ?
R: X 'aktarx bejn l-arblu 36 u 38
_________________________________________
M:
Surgent, meta waqqaft lill akkuzata id-dawl ta' fuq il-karozza
tieghek kien qed jixel u jitfi, jigfieri " flashing " ?
R:
Iva
M: Qalet xi haga l-akkuzata meta harget mill-karozza taghha ?
R: Iva
M: X ' qalet ?
R: Hawn f ' liema disco
qedin ?!
__________________________________________
M: Dott, tikkonferma il-fatt li meta wiehed imut mal-lejl dan ma
'
jkun jaf b'xejn qabel l-ghada fil-ghodu ?
__________________________________________
M: It-tifel iz-zghir, dak
ta ' ghoxrin sena, kemm ghandu zmien ?
__________________________________________
M: Kont prezenti meta il-fotografu
hadlek ir-ritratt ?
__________________________________________
M: Int jew huk iz-zeghir kien maqtul fil-gwerra ?
__________________________________________
M:
Meta sparalek, qatlek ?
__________________________________________
M: Kemm kienu il-boghod minn xulxin il-vetturi meta
habtu ?
__________________________________________
M: Tikkonferma li int kont prezenti sa kemm tlaqt ?
__________________________________________
M:
Kemm il-darba ikkometejt suwicidju ?
__________________________________________
M: Allura, id-data tal-koncepiment tat-tarbija
kien is-seba ta '
Awissu?
R: Iva, onorevoli!
M: U x ' kont qedha taghmel dak il-hin ?
__________________________________________
M:
Tfal kien hemm tlieta, sewwa ?
R: Iva, sinjur
M: Kemm kien hemm subien ?
R: Xejn, sinjur
M: Kien hemm bniet ?
_________________________________________
M:
Inti qed teghid li t-tarag kien jaghti ghall-kantina, sewwa ?
R: Iva,sinjur
M: U mill-kantina ! dan it-t arag kien jaghti
ghall fuq ukoll ?
__________________________________________
M: Sur Borg, meta izzewigt mort honeymoon lussus, hux veru
?
R: Iva sinjur, mort cruise fil-Karibew
M: U hadt mieghek lill-martek ?
__________________________________________>
M:
Kif intemm l-ewwel zwieg tiehek ?
R: B ' mewt
M: U bill mewt ta ' min intemm iz-zwieg
__________________________________________
M:
Tista tiddiskrivi il-halliel ?
R: Samrani, tul xi hames piedi u nofs u bid-daqna
M: Ragel jew mara ?
__________________________________________
M:
L-apparenza tieghek il-lum hija rizultat tal-mandat li sarlek ?
R: Le sinjur, jien dejjem hekk nilbes ghax-xoghol
__________________________________________
M:
Dott, kemm il-awtopsja ghamilt fuq mejtin ?
R: L-awtopsji li ghamilt dejjem kienu fuq mejtin
__________________________________________
M:
Ir-risposti tieghek ! iridu jkunu kolla orali, ok ? Liema skola
mort?
R: Orali !
__________________________________________
M:
Tiftakar x' ! hin kien m eta bdejt tezamina il-kadavru ?
R: L-awtopsja bdiet madwar it-tmienja u nofs ta ' bil-lejl
M:
Dak il-hin is-sur Borg kien mejjet ?
R: LE, kien bil-qeda fuq il-mejda ippejep sigarett u jipprova
jahseb ghaliex qed
naghmillu awtopsja !
____________________________________________
M: Inti kwalifikat biex taghti kampjun tal-urina ?
__________________________________________
M:
Dott, qabel bdejt l-awtopsja iccekkjajt jekk kienx hemm polz ?
R: Le
M: Iccekkjajt il-pressjoni ?
R: Le
M: Iccekkjajt
jekk kienx qed jittiehed nifs ?
R: Le
M: Allura, hemm il-possibilta li l-pazjent kien ghandu haj qabel
bdejt l-awtopsja
?
R: Le
M: Kif tista tkun daqshekk cert dott ?
R: Ghax mohhu kien go vazett fuq l-iskrivanija tieghi
M: Izda barra
minn dan, jista ikun li l-pazjent kien ghadu haj ?
R: Jista jkun, u forsi kien f ' xi qorti jilaba ta' avukat u jaghmel
mistoqsijiet
banali
Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although
his
English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he
rushed into a lawyer's office and asked
him if he could arrange a
divorce
for him... "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce
would depend on
the
circumstances, and asked him some questions:
LAWYER "Have you any grounds?"
POLE
"Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE
"It made of concrete."
LAWYER "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE
"No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE
"All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE
"Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER "Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE
"No, I always up before her."
LAWYER "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE
"No, she white."
LAWYER "WHY do you want this divorce?" >>
POLE
"She going to kill me."
LAWYER "What makes you think that?"
POLE "I
got proof.
LAWYER "What kind of proof?"
POLE "She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and
put on
shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say "Polish Remover".
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The officer says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something
spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The officer was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I
put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass?
So we exchanged tanks!"
The soldier serving in Hong
Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them
all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please
keep your photo and return the others."
True Story:
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only
expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement
that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird
206) after landing.
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main
taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was
too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry.
So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an
air conditioner."
Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussien died and all went tohell.
Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call
England and see how everybody is doing there.... so she called and talked for about 5 minutes...
Then
she said: well devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil goes:five million dollars...
Five million
dollars!!!????
She made him a check and went to sit back on her chair....
Bill Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too,
me too, I wanna call the United states, I wanna see how everybody is doing too...he called and talked for
about 2 minutes, then he said: Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil goes: ten million dollars.....
ten million dollars!!!!!! He made him a check and went
to sit back on his chair.....
Saddam Hussen was extremely jealous too...he starts
screaming and screaming... "I wanna call Iraq! I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I want
to talk to the ministers, to the deputee, I wanna talk to everybody"...
he called Iraq and he talked for about twenty hours,
he was talking and talking and talking.... Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you???? The devil
goes: one
dollar.....only one dollar!!!!!
Saddam says... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The
devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local!
This one only applies for Maltese readers
Yes, I'm tired.
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on middle age,poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution,
mental stress, saccharine, obesity, dieting, under arm odour, yellow wax build-up, my wife and another dozen aladies that
make you wonder if life is worth living.But I have now found out it isn't that at all.I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 356,000 and 146,000 are retired.
That leaves 210,000 to do the work.
There are 132,000 in schools.
That leaves 78,000.
Of this 10,000 are unemployed or do not want to work and 35,000 are employed by the Government.
That leaves 33,000 to do the work.
3,000 are policemen and soldiers.
15,000 are employed in the Dockyards and other Parastatal companies, leaving 15,000 to do the work.
There are 700 persons in Prison and in mental Hospitals.
There are 13,233 who are sick in hospital or at home.
That leaves 67 persons to do the work.
But 65 of them are in Parliament.
That leaves 2 persons to do all the work.
You and me.
And you are sitting on your arse reading this.
No wonder I'm bloody tired
ONLY CLEAN JOKES WILL BE PUBLISHED.
SO PLEASE SEND ONLY CLEAN JOKES
|
